There’s a quote from Nietzsche that I often return to in my work as a therapist:
“There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy”.
We live in a culture that tells us to look outward for guidance. Social media is filled with images of “self-care” that promise peace: candles, blankets, tea, and stillness. But what if those images don’t actually feel good to you? What if the things that are promising a sense of calm actually make your body tighten or your chest feel heavy?
For some, curling up under a blanket brings comfort. For others, that same position feels like collapse or sadness. What soothes one body might feel heavy or hollow to another. Self-care cannot be prescribed because each nervous system speaks its own language.
The Myth of the “Cozy Cure”
We often associate comfort with quiet and stillness. But for some of us, stillness is not restful and can feel like shutdown. It can mirror the posture of depression or the stillness of overwhelm.
When you have known the numbness of exhaustion, lying still may not feel supportive or comforting. It may bring memories of disconnection. Real comfort begins when you learn to sense what your body actually needs in the moment, not what social media suggests should feel good.
Self-Care Can Be Active
True self-care is not always calm or polished. Sometimes it is raw, expressive, and full of movement
It might look like shaking out tension, dancing until your body feels alive, yelling into a pillow, or crying until something inside you softens. These moments of release aren’t signs of losing control, they’re the body’s natural ways of restoring balance.
If you are frozen, movement can bring energy back online. If you are overstimulated, slowing down may be what brings ease. What matters is listening to what your body asks for right now.
Learning to Listen to What Your Body Knows
Embodied awareness means noticing what is happening within you.
It means tuning into breath, tension, heartbeat, or the subtle pull toward or away from something.
This might look like:
- Pausing before reacting and sensing what your body is communicating.
- Noticing when your breath feels shallow or when your shoulders tense.
- Tracking the small signals of “yes” or “no” that your body offers long before your mind decides.
Our bodies communicate through sensation. Warmth, tightening, expansion, or fluttering are messages that tell us how we are doing. Learning to listen means learning a new vocabulary, one that helps you stay in dialogue with your own nervous system.
Regulation Through the Nervous System Lens
In somatic and trauma-informed therapy, we often talk about regulation (the ability to return to a sense of balance and safety).
Social media tends to equate self-care with “down-regulating” (slowing down, resting, turning inward). But that assumes everyone is coming from the same state. If your system is collapsed or frozen, more stillness might push you further into shutdown. What you may actually need is mobilization (movement, sound, expression) to bring energy back online.
Real self-care is about meeting your body where it is, not forcing it into someone else’s version of calm.
Undoing Aloneness in Self-Care
At our core, we are wired to connect. The need to feel seen and supported isn’t a flaw. Our nervous systems are built to find safety and regulation through relationships.
Sometimes the truest act of self-care isn’t pulling away but reaching toward someone. Letting another person witness us in our pain can bring a kind of ease that solitude alone cannot create. When our feelings are met with empathy instead of silence, the body begins to settle. What felt tight or heavy can slowly open into warmth, presence, and relief.
It is not about being perfect or endlessly self-sufficient. It is about allowing ourselves to be human, to feel, and to be in relationship with others.
Redefining What Self-Care Means
Real self-care is a practice of attunement.
It is permission, not performance.
It is authenticity, not aesthetics.
It is presence, not a checklist.
The body always knows the way back to balance if you learn to listen. Every sensation and impulse carries information about what feels safe, nourishing, or too much.
Reflection Prompts From a Somatic Therapist
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What signals tell me that my body feels safe enough to rest or open?
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How do I recognize the difference between being calm and being disconnected?
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What helps my body feel anchored in the present moment?
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How does my body communicate “enough” or “too much”?
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In what moments do I feel most alive, connected, and real in my skin?
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What kind of touch, rhythm, or movement brings me back to myself?
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How does it feel inside when I am being authentic rather than performing calm?
- What does my body’s “yes” or “no” feel like?
Self-care begins when you stop comparing your healing to someone else’s.
Your body is wiser than any trend or formula.
Pause.
Breathe.
Ask, “What do I need right now?” and listen.
